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Divorce

Over fifty percent of first marriages end in divorce in the United States. Sixty percent of second marriages end in divorce, and the percentage of third marriages ending in divorce is even higher. These are bracing statistics and represent a sweeping change in the experience of marriage over the last several generations.
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See also: Grief; Parenting: Teenages; Parenting: Toddlers to Pre-Teens; Parenting: Birth to Twelve Months; Self-Esteem and Assertiveness


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Recommended Self-Help Books on Divorce

The Boys and Girls Book About Divorce
Richard Gardiner

This book is designed for children ten years of age and older. Psychiatrist Richard Gardiner addresses children directly about their feelings after the divorce, fears of being abandoned, how to handle anger feelings, etc. He gives advice to children about how to get along with their divorced mothers and fathers and what to do when the child feels caught in the middle between battling parents. This book is a superb resource for children of divorce. 
1985, Bantam

Crazy Time: Surviving Divorce and Building a New Life
Abigail Trafford

This book charts the emotional journey of the breakup of a marriage identifying the common phases that lead to separation, divorce, and eventually a new life. A common-sense book about the crazy process that more than half of us go through. 
1992, Perennial

The Divorce Book: A Practical and Compassionate Guide
Matthew McKay, et. al.

This book features helpful details on the legal aspects of ending a marriage, including conflict resolution, divorce mediation, and custody arrangements. This guide is a crucial reference for dealing with an often painful experience. 
2001, MJF Books

The Good Divorce: Keeping Your Family Together When Your Marriage Comes Apart
Constance R. Ahrons

Based on two decades of research, this book presents the surprising finding that in more than 50% of divorces couples end their marriages yet preserve their families. Dr. Ahrons shows couples how they can move beyond the confusing, even terrifying, early stages of breakup and learn to deal with the transition from a nuclear to a “binuclear” family – one that spans two households and continues to meet the needs of children. The Good Divorce dispels the myth that divorce inevitably leaves emotionally troubled children in its wake. 
1998, 1998, Quill

Growing Up With Divorce: Helping Your Child Avoid Immediate and Later Emotional Problems
Neil Kalter

Dr. Kalter offers divorced parents useful information to help their children avoid emotional problems, including strategies for helping children cope with anxiety, anger and confusion over the years subsequent to the divorce. There are step-by-step instructions for parents about how to sensitively address their children’s spoken and unspoken needs. 
1990, Fawcett Columbine

Helping Your Kids Cope With Divorce the Sandcastles Way
Gary Neuman

This book is filled with information, advice, and wise counsel for divorcing parents who are eager to spare their children unnecessary pain. It is a comprehensive resource to help parents understand what children of all ages may be experiencing as they move through the divorce process with their parents. 
1999, Random House

How It Feels When Parents Divorce
Jill Krementz

In this moving book, nineteen boys and girls from 7 to 16 years old and from highly diverse backgrounds share with us their deepest feelings about their parents’ divorce. Children reading this book will learn that their own shock, anger, confusion, and pain have been experienced by others and are normal and appropriate. Krementz includes her soulful portraits of the children who are interviewed. This book should provide comfort to children and parents alike. 
1988, Knopf



Mom’s House, Dad’s House: Making Two Homes for Your Child
Isolina Ricci

Author Ricci advises separated, divorced and remarried parents about setting up a good working relationship with the ex-spouse in order to make two loving homes for their children. Practical advice on the legal, financial and emotional realities on creating two happy and stable homes for children in the aftermath of a divorce. 
1997, Fireside



Stepwives: Ten Steps to Help Ex-Wives and Step-Mothers End the Struggle and Put the Kids First
Louise Oxhorn, Lynne Oxhorn-Ringwood, Marjorie Krausz

Once bitter enemies (Louise married Lynne's ex-husband), the authors, with the assistance of psychologist Krausz, created a ten-step program called Co-Mamas to help ex-wives and step-mothers build a healthy relationship that puts children first. The book offers practical suggestions for developing empathy and learning to lessen tension and support the children caught in a divorce.
2002, Fireside


Surviving the Breakup: How Children and Parents Cope with Divorce
Judith Wallerstein and Joan Kelly

Based on the Children of Divorce Project, the landmark study of how children, adolescents and their parents cope during the first five years after a family dissolution. The book explains how the adjustment of a child depends more on what happens after the divorce than on conditions in the pre-divorce family; the father-child relationship does not diminish in importance regardless of how infrequent their contact becomes; and the child’s anger and yearnings can last for an extraordinarily long time. This work sparked a new debate about the impact of divorce on the family which continues into the present. 
1996, Basic Books


Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes, Revised 25th Anniversary Edition
William Bridges

This revered classic has helped hundreds of thousands of readers cope with change by providing an elegantly simple yet profoundly insightful roadmap of the transition process. 
2004, Da Capo Press


We're Still Family: What Grown Children Have to Say About their Parents' Divorce
Constance Ahrons

Sociologist Ahrons (author of The Good Divorce) followed up the children she studied for her original book. Approximately three-fourths of these 173 "children" (now 30-somethings) thought their parents' divorces were a good idea, and that parents and children were better off than if they had stayed together. Their comments on what made a difference to them when their parents were divorcing are instructive. Ahrons reminds parents its not the quantity of time they spend with their child, but the quality of relationship they establish: reliability, consistency, and genuine interest in their lives are what matter most to children.  
2004, HarperCollins

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